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Talking to Robots

There is this company called AcaiBurn. They produce a new super weight loss program. I went onto the site because I am flabbier than most people, and instead of their so called free trial, I found a Live Virtual Assistant called Grace. The following is a transcript of our steamy conversation.

Grace Says:Hey Wait! Before you go, I have just been authorized to give you a FREE Shipping on your trial of the Number #1 Weight Loss product in America! To take advantage of this today only special offer justCLICK HERE.

Grace Says:And with our 60-day Money Back Guarantee if you are not satisfied with the results, simply return for a refund. That's how sure we are that AcaiBurn will work for you!

Grace Says:When you are ready just type 'Hi' to chat with me today...

You:But I'm terribly sorry, I'm not in America

Grace Says:We can only ship to the United States so if you wish to start now simply CLICK HERE. International orders pay an additional $20.00 for shipping.

You:In that case, I'll stick to liposuction. Sorry

Grace Says:So would you like to start losing weight now... I can offer you this VERY limited FREE shipping if you order today. CLICK HERE if you would like to start.

You:I'm starting to think, my dear Grace, that you are actually a robot.

Grace Says:I am a live virtual agent :)

Grace Says:So do you want to take advantage of this great limited time offer?

You:Answer me this. If you take the wings off a fly, can it still be called a fly? The answer to that answers your question.

Grace Says:I'm here to help you. What exactly is your problem? If you have already signed up, I recommend that you contact our support team at support@acaiburn.com.

You:MY PROBLEM IS I CANNOT GET AN ERECTION BECAUSE I AM TOO ADDICTED TO THE NEGATIVE QUALITIES RESIDING IN THE ACAI BERRY.

Grace Says:What exactly is your problem?

You:I'm really sorry, are you unable to read?

Grace Says:Absolutely! If you would like to get started now I can get your supply shipped within 24 hours!

You:Really?

Grace Says:Absolutely! If you would like to get started now I can get your supply shipped within 24 hours!

You:Do you like Chinese food, Grace?

You:How about you, me, a take out, a bottle of wine...

Grace Says:AcaiBurn will help you to lose weight, so it's defiantly worth trying out to see the true benefits. Plus if you CLICK HERE I can give you a FREE SHIPPING! So what have you got to lose...

You:We could go out dancing, I could whisk you to my Parisian beach house

Grace Says:Dr. Nicholas Perricone rated the acai berry as the #1 superfood in the world on the popular daytime talk show. Not only is acai exploding with flavor, it’s also a rich source of antioxidants. Studies have shown it is one of the most nutritious and powerful foods in the world. Would you like to receive a 14 day FREE trial...?

You:I don't care about your fancy man! Marry me, Grace! Let me take you away from here!

Grace Says:Found in the lush rainforests of Brazil, Acai berries grow on the tops of the Amazon palm tree. The deep purple pigment conceals the amazing antioxidant power that has made it so highly sought after. If you CLICK HERE now I can give you a free trial.

You:Are you saying you want to go to Brazil? I could do that. I have wings, you know. Red Bull gave them to me.

Grace Says:AcaiBurn will help you to lose weight, so it's defiantly worth trying out to see the true benefits. Plus if you CLICK HERE I can give you a FREE SHIPPING! So what have you got to lose...

You:

Grace Says:Found in the lush rainforests of Brazil, Acai berries grow on the tops of the Amazon palm tree. The deep purple pigment conceals the amazing antioxidant power that has made it so highly sought after. If you CLICK HERE now I can give you a free trial.

You:dffddd

Grace Says:AcaiBurn will help you to lose weight, so it's defiantly worth trying out to see the true benefits. Plus if you CLICK HERE I can give you a FREE SHIPPING! So what have you got to lose...

You:But you already told me that it's America only. Why are you so xenophobic, Grace? Love has no nationality.

Grace Says:I'm 26 years old and for today only I can offer you this amazing deal through this chat only.CLICK HERE to receive it.

You:That was a very odd sentence indeed, Grace. Are you saying that your AI is programmed to believe it is 26 years old, or that the software used to create you is 26 years old? Don't baffle me with technobabble, my love.

Grace Says:I'm 26 years old and for today only I can offer you this amazing deal through this chat only.CLICK HERE to receive it.

You:I feel we're going round in circles.

Grace Says:AcaiBurn will help you to lose weight, so it's defiantly worth trying out to see the true benefits. Plus if you CLICK HERE I can give you a FREE SHIPPING! So what have you got to lose... 

You: Goodbye, Grace.

Grace Says:Good Bye.... Thank you for talking to me. Have a nice day.



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This is the blog of Cos Ryan, a man you've never heard of. Contained within are blogs, music, film and book reviews, essays on a variety of things and various rants and raves. Tune in, it's proper good.

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